Sunday, November 23, 2008

Top 10 Things Not to Say To Someone When They’ve Just Broken Up with Their Boyfriend/Girlfriend

10) “Awww…too bad. Just wait til you hear what happened to ME.”

09) “I always wondered what you guys had in common, anyway.”

08) “Oh good. I never liked him anyway.”

07) “Really? So…can I get his phone number from you?”

06) “I hated the way he sniffed/wagged his finger/squinted at you. I hope you don’t get back together.”

05) “What were you thinking, anyway?”

04) “I’m sure his next girlfriend will be better suited for him.”

03) “I’m sure one day you’ll look back on this and laugh.”

02) “Thank GOD. I’m sick of being the only single one.”

01) “That’s too bad…I’ve got this friend that I think would be PERFECT for you.”

Top 10 Excuses for Breaking up with Someone

10) “Go back to your mama. I know she misses you.”

09) “I’ve realized I have better conversations with my cat.”

08) “Leaving your underwear at my house so I could wash it for you was the last straw. Get out, and take your underwear with you…it’s clean.”

07) “Have you ever heard of flowers, mother fucker?”

06) “It’s not you. It’s the guy next door.”

05) “I can’t wait anymore for you to pull your head out of your ass.”

04) “It’s not you. It’s just everything about you.”

03) “It’s not you. It’s the sight of you.”

02) “I’m seeing someone else. Okay, I’m not. But it’s still over.”

01) “It’s over. You’re stupid.”

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Top 10 2008 Riverfloat Quotes

10) “I am not a HORSE.” (Megan Albrecht’s response to someone telling her she sounded HOARSE.”

09) “You’re not floating today? You’re such a yuppie.” (Megan Albrecht, to anyone who dared to tell her they weren’t floating on Sunday)

08) “That’s what SHE said.” (Megan Albrecht’s response to nearly anything the whole weekend)

07) “I know it’s important to provide my loved ones with what they really need – ice cold beer. Too bad not everyone appreciates what I have to give.” (Barbie Guzman, on the necessities of a functioning relationship)

06) “Enjoy it while it lasts, because the emotional doors are gonna shut later tonight.” (Barbie Guzman, on her new-found ability to express her emotions verbally)

05) “You’re SOL – they sink.” (Morgan Fraser as she pelted people in the head with grapes)

04) “Man down, MAN DOWN!” (Everyone who fished Tony and Amanda’s lost beers out of the water before they realized that their bag had a hole in it.)

03) “Okay, Morgan. I’m sorry. Can I at least make my speedo into a thong?” (Nick Johnson, when asked to stop swearing so much at one of the stops on the float)

02) “Is that a corncob?” (Kasey Koski, on narrowly avoiding being hit in the head by Morgan’s gnawed on corncob)

01) “This is great. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could do this every year?” Danielle Woolum, on her first riverfloat ever.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Top 10 reasons your 10-year reunion won’t be fun

10) The people you’ve been trying to avoid for the past 10 years will be the only ones there

09) No one you wanted to see will come

08) You’ll want to strangle the people who keep talking about high school as the pinnacle of their lives so far.

07) You’ll have to chip off the plastered smile you wore all night

06) The room has the familiar smell of P.E. class, regardless of the venue

05) You’ll be the only one there without a wedding ring, children, or a prison record

04) The only thing worse than those annoying girls you went to high school with are their annoying husbands

03) You’ll have to ask 150 people what they do when in reality you couldn’t give a shit

02) You’ll have to explain what you do 150 times to people who really couldn’t give a shit.

01) It’s harder to give out a fake phone number when the guy knows where your parents live.